Hot and Unbothered: How to Think About, Talk About, and Have the Sex You Want

Hot and Unbothered is a practical, playful, and deeply inclusive guide to sexual self-discovery, written by acclaimed sex therapist Yana Tallon-Hicks. Designed especially with LGBTQ+ readers in mind (but genuinely useful for anyone), this book helps close the gap between the sex we’re taught to expect and the sex we actually want to be having.

Rather than chasing the myth of “good sex” as effortless or automatic, Tallon-Hicks invites readers to slow down and get curious. Through approachable explanations, real-world examples, and guided exercises, the book supports you in identifying your desires, naming your boundaries, and communicating your needs—without shame, secrecy, or pressure to perform. You’ll explore common barriers like misinformation, low self-esteem, avoidance, and unhealthy relationship patterns, and learn how to move through them with compassion and clarity.

Complete with worksheets, reflection prompts, and playful illustrations, Hot and Unbothered functions as both a read-through guide and a return-to resource. Whether you’re partnered, dating, hooking up, or redefining your relationship with sex entirely, this book offers tools you can use now—and revisit as your desires evolve.

Why I recommend this book

I recommend Hot and Unbothered because it does something I deeply value as a sex educator: it gives people permission to want what they want while also teaching them how to talk about it responsibly and kindly. This is a book I often point clients toward when they’re unpacking shame, struggling to articulate desire, or realizing that the sex they were taught to want doesn’t actually fit them. It’s accessible without being simplistic, affirming without being fluffy, and genuinely useful for building a pleasure practice rooted in consent, communication, and self-trust.