Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring, and Navigating the Kink, Leather, and BDSM Communities

by Lee Harrington & Mollena Williams

Playing Well with Others is a foundational guide to kink as culture, not just technique. Rather than focusing solely on how to spank, tie, or play, this book explores the social ecosystems that make kink, leather, and BDSM communities—from munches and play parties to conferences, workshops, leather bars, and fetish events.

Written by internationally respected educators Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams, the book helps readers examine their own desires and motivations while learning how to enter existing communities with care, curiosity, and respect. Topics include navigating etiquette, understanding different types of events, negotiating play and aftercare, tending to relationships while exploring new dynamics, and integrating kink into everyday life without burning bridges. And yes, there is guidance on the ever-important question: what do you wear?

Drawing on more than 30 years of combined experience across identities, orientations, roles, and power dynamics, Harrington and Williams offer grounded wisdom that’s both practical and compassionate. Whether you’re brand new to kink or deeply experienced but new to community spaces, this book functions as a map for moving thoughtfully through shared erotic worlds.

Why I recommend this book

I recommend Playing Well with Others because most kink harm doesn’t come from bad technique; it comes from misunderstanding community, consent culture, and social dynamics. This is a book I often suggest to people who are curious about kink beyond the bedroom or who want to explore without accidentally causing harm to themselves or others. It’s especially valuable for folks who didn’t grow up with access to kink education or mentorship. Clear, ethical, and deeply community-minded, this book sets people up not just to play but to belong.